Ask Doctor Sinisterion

In Hero Years... I'm Dead. A Digital Original novel.

(Because of the holidays, I’m a bit behind in my work, and that cuts into my blogging. Fortunately enough, I have a guest blogger who is willing to provide you insights about the world from a decidedly and distinctly unique point of view. He’s agreed to cover me once a week for the foreseeable future. Please join me in welcoming Doctor Sinisterion.—Mike Stackpole)

Doctor Sinisterion (D. D.), is the author of the recent book If I Was A Supervillain. Having retired after a long career as a spiritual consultant and entrepreneur, he took time to study many of the great criminal enterprises of our time, and offers his critique of them in his book. Critics have suggested the book is merely an exercise in revisionist history. He is currently a citizen of the Central American nation of Santiago, but considers himself a free man of the world.

Dear Doctor Sinisterion,

Would you be interested in buying up the debt of a failed state, say Ireland, and using said state as a base for your nefarious plans? It would give you a supply of minions in the millions. They’d all be named Paddy or Seamus though.

Agent Shane

Dear Shane,

If I were a supervillain, pursuing such a course would be an intriguing one. Ireland, alas, is not a good candidate for puppet-statery. One must recall that Ireland has a split population and that some of them (the IRA) have a reservoir of skills and tools which, if not brought under the master’s control, could be used against him. A good supervillain wishes to avoid this sort of nascent resistance force if he is to maintain iron-willed control of his adoring people.

This is not the only reason Ireland is inappropriate. Aside from the whole Templar thing, the nation is notably devoid of extinct volcanoes, which are spectacularly useful places for hiding secret bases. Just the geothermal power generation possibilities make volcanoes a serious plus when it comes to hideouts. Iceland, by way of example, is a superior choice in this regard. And if you look at its recent history, you have a failed state because of a banking crisis followed by unusual volcanic activity. One could, if one were of a mind to, imagine that someone like Professor-Emeritus Anarchius had the temerity to ignore my advice concerning the placement of his headquarters. A subsequent and tragically-accidental destabilization of his geothermal generators, for which he never fully paid by the way, might have been the cause of the volcanic activity—the truth of which, of course, has been completely covered-up by NATO and the United Nations.

Your point about a minion supply, however, is well taken. I have found it very useful to draw them from a homogenous genetic pool—though not clones Clones never can shoot straight. I strongly encourage clients to cultivate a sub-culture from among that pool. The Thugee Cult, or the Boxers, would be examples of the sorts of organizations you want to encourage. Incorporating a mystical/religious element in your minion-mythos is especially useful since it means you can pay them very poor wages and treat them horribly, all the while promising them a reversal of fortunes in the next life. That’s so easy it should be illegal. (And, for the record, I no longer have televangelists among my clients.)

(If you have questions for Doctor Sinisterion, please mail them to Sinisterion at or leave them in the comments below.  Doctor Sinisterion regrets that he will not be able to critique your plans for world conquest, but he is always open to consulting on same. If you wish to know more about Sinisterion, you can read about him in In Hero Years… I’m Dead, a novel which Sinisterion insists is a complete and utter fabrication.)

In Hero Years… I’m Dead comes in two editions. The basic edition costs $5 and contains just the novel. the Deluxe Edition includes a long essay about the process of the writing and the genesis of the ideas. These two links will take you to my store where you can buy the epub format which works on Sony readers, the iPad and the Nook.

In Hero Years… I’m Dead is also now available for your Kindle. Click this link for the basic edition and this link for the Deluxe Edition

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